Taiwan Today

Changing times have produced widespread dissatisfaction with the values that have traditionally governed male-female interactions. What is next? Four experts discuss some key issues.

The rapid social change in Taiwan over the past few years has prompted an extensive revaluation of traditional male and female roles. Just as economic expectations have risen abruptly, so have people's expectations of male-female relationships. At the same time, long-accepted social conventions governing interaction between the sexes have also come under close scrutiny.

In order to gain a better sense of the sweeping changes in this aspect of society, the Free China Review invited four experts to discuss their views during a seminar hosted by deputy editor-in-chief Betty Wang (王國珠).

The participants were Tseng Chao-hsu (曾昭旭), associate professor, Graduate School of Chinese Literature, National Central University, and a frequent public lecturer on sex and marriage issues; Annie Chen (陳艾妮), publisher, Woman ABC magazine, one of Taiwan's best-selling women's magazines; Peter Huang (黃建福), general manager, Orion Communication Co., and producer of the TV program "Women Women," a trailblazing talk show focusing on male-female sexuality and relationships; and Wen Hsiao-ping (溫小平), a novelist, whose plots frequently involve complex male-female issues.

Betty Wang: We frequently read about the changes that have taken place in the family over the past decade as a result of urbanization, population movement, and the break-up of the extended family living under one roof. These have all had an impact on the traditional concept of family. But has the rise of a nuclear family structure brought about a shift in how a good husband or wife is defined?

Tseng Chao-hsu: In the past, relationships between men and women occurred primarily within the family. The husband and wife didn't even meet each other until the wedding day. After marriage, the two were more like business partners. The family was governed by strict feudal ethics, with the status, role, and responsibility of both husband and wife decided by society.

For example, the husband was responsible for making money, and the wife stayed at home to rear the children and keep house. Ideally, men were active and strong, and women were compliant and sweet-natured. In the hierarchy of relationships, men were considered superior to women, and extensive coordination and communication were unnecessary because roles were clearly defined. In the past, men and women did not have to be in love before they married. Marriage was merely a structure that epitomized family and social relationships. Husband and wife respected each other as if the other were a guest.

Times have transformed this relationship radically. The traditional social rules that governed relationships before and after marriage are no longer followed. Men and women now meet each other with possible marriage in mind, or sometimes just for sexual reasons. Now men and women have to learn new rules about communication and interaction in modern society. Relationships are more person-to-person, rather than between a man and a woman.

The definitions of the ideal man and woman have also changed. Because small, nuclear families are more common, ethics based upon an extended family structure are often not relevant. Sometimes, both the husband and the wife have to independently shoulder certain family responsibilities. Both must therefore have strong, independent characters.

Even in China's traditional agricultural society, men were not necessarily that strong or confident. Instead, the powerful Confucian code of ethics bestowed the power on men to be masterful and act confidently. The contemporary concept of equality between the sexes enables women to break away from tradition and not be dependent on men in the same way. The wife can now take on major family responsibilities formerly reserved for men. And since women are becoming more and more independent psychologically and economically, men's weaknesses are easier to see. In fact, we should speak only of ideal persons, not ideal men and women.

Annie Chen: Whether we speak of traditional extended families or today's nuclear families, basic family needs remain the same. But the purpose of marriage has changed. In an agricultural society, marriage links the resources of two large families, and the husband-wife relationship is secondary to other social relationships. But in a modern society, marriage is an alliance of two individuals, and the man-and-wife relationship becomes the most important of all relationships.

This can cause problems. Family size is much smaller, but financial requirements and the demands of child care are the same. In my opinion, the small family has more problems, more pressure, and more challenges than the traditional extended family. As a result, both husband and wife have to be stronger. An ideal husband must be able to earn money and at the same time give every consideration to his wife. Women ask for more than they did before.

Women in Taiwan now are the luckiest in Chinese history, because they can also play roles formerly fulfilled only by men. But this is not easy. In the past, a wife was asked to manage only household affairs, but now she must be able to handle challenges outside the home as well. For example, if a couple plans to buy a house, the wife usually has to share the financial responsibility. Of course, that means a man also asks more from his wife.

One reason divorce rates were low in the past was that an extended family provided social resources for helping solve problems. Today, the situation is quite the opposite. Problems arise more quickly and frequently, and they must be solved by the couple themselves.

Peter Huang: The program "Women Women," was originally intended to provide women with an opportunity to speak their minds. But I have noticed from our program guests that it's difficult to ask Chinese men to give up their areas of control and allow women to play different roles.

The roles of men and women have been altered because this era emphasizes individualism. There are three kinds of functions in a man-woman relationship – material, spiritual, and physiological. The material function, providing financial support, remains the same today as in the past. Spiritually, although incompatibility in temper and attitude is a major cause of divorce, many couples are still unable to explain why they cannot resolve their differences. As for physiological function, I feel sex plays a very important role in today's male-female relationships. Contrary to the past, sex is now more openly discussed.

I agree that it's more difficult to be a good husband or a good wife in today's society. There is less distance between a couple in a small family, and there is no longer a buffer zone such as a mother-in-law or other relatives.

Wen Hsiao-ping: The traditional extended family operated differently. In the eyes of his parents or his relatives, a man was a good son. But in front of his wife, he was a commander who issued orders. The wife had no position at all. She could not have her own opinions; she was voiceless, only a shadow. A wife was unable to become independent, and if she tried to be, it meant she was rebelling against the whole clan.

Today's standards for judging a good husband or wife are different. For example, a man would rather have a wife who has a job. Besides being responsible for bringing up the children, the wife is also supposed to contribute financially. Of course, in the past as in the present, bringing up children is considered a woman's major responsibility. For example, whenever a criminal is caught today, the press rush to interview the mother, as though she alone was responsible. Rarely are fathers interviewed or blamed. I believe such a misleading orientation can be attributed to the male-dominated media.

Women now have to deal with a bigger world, and they have to face all kinds of challenges. Only a few years ago, the so-called model mothers who were selected annually throughout the island were expected to give birth to as many children as possible and have all of them attend military academies or earn doctoral degrees. No longer. While women are expected to be more independent, it is not unusual for men to be praised for being tender and mild. If we see a man cry in a motion picture, we now think he is a real human being.

In the past, Chinese men carefully packaged themselves, pretending to be flawless. Women today still have the capability of being compliant, like water, but now they can fill any shape of vessel. They play different roles and fulfill different functions. I think it's a good trend that men try to fulfill responsibilities that were once considered only suitable for women, and vice versa. There is no need for men to control women or for women to trample men. The relationship between a man and a woman should be a harmonious one.

Tseng: In the past, a woman who was independent would try to hide such qualities because people would blame her for leading her husband to misfortune or an early death. An eloquent or assertive woman was considered notorious; she was often seen as a frivolous or lascivious woman. Today, such qualities will make a woman an outstanding PR person. The rules are no longer so rigid. When it's necessary, the husband can stay home and take care of the children, and the wife can have a career.

There are some men who still think that a strong and independent woman is not feminine. But to me, femininity should only exist when a woman is being loved or when she is in love with a man. As a friend or a colleague at work, it's not necessary for her to act feminine. There are several areas where a woman can be independent-financially, socially, in love affairs, and personality. Feminism in Taiwan is still at a stage where social independence is overemphasized.

Chen: In the past, society put shackles on women. Today, we can make our own choices, including divorce. But at the same time we lack the quality of self-restraint. It's good for women to have love in their marriage, but even without love the relationship can still be harmonious. Although many of us emphasize the importance of freedom, I think we should emphasize being at ease and getting along with one another instead of 100 percent freedom.

Wang: What impact has greater exposure to worldwide intellectual fashions and trends had in altering the ways men and women act toward each other in public and private?

Chen: Western fashions and trends, especially American culture, no doubt have influenced men and women here. And I question whether we should accept all the ideas we receive from people in the U.S. on relationships between men and women. Their advocacy of freedom in female-male relationships actually leads to a sense of insecurity. The high divorce rate also complicates family matters, and especially affects children.

Overly encouraging males or females to be independent leads to an increasing number of what we call "single nobles." These single people waste resources, because they want an independent space to live and they serve their own individual interests and personal necessities. Why was it common for three generations to live under one roof? Very simple: It saved on resources.

Huang: Social values and modes of behavior have changed with frequent exposure to foreign movies showing strangers kissing each other at their very first meeting. Kissing used to indicate an acceptance or consent to a relationship, but today it carries little significance. In the past, when a man and a woman associated with each other, they usually had marriage in mind. But social change has brought about an abnormal mindset. People expect sex early on, and social liberalization has given strength to this aberrant trend.

Here we come to the greatest difference between men and women. Most women make love for the sake of love, whereas most men can make love just for mere sex. This is one main reason why establishments offering sexual services can be found all over the city. As members of the weaker sex, women are afraid of getting hurt should they associate with men just for sexual reasons. They need to feel the sense of security that comes in a loving relationship.

Wen: Social norms for men and women can be discussed from two angles – the ethical and legal. Through the ages, society has condoned extramarital affairs for men. The mass media report on such relationships as though they are perfectly acceptable. In the case of a woman, however, the media may describe her relationship in different terms or play it down altogether. Even today, polygamy is acceptable for men as long as they are able to support their wives.

Now a woman is bolder in showing her emotions, unlike in the past when she would shed tears in secret when faced with a marriage crisis or the end of a relationship. Today, she can stand up on her own, knowing she can divorce her husband on grounds of infidelity and that there are many more men out there. The negative side, however, is that people may find divorce the easiest solution to marital problems.

Tseng: Sex used to have a different significance for men and women. Rulers or successful men leading active sexual lives were considered sex connoisseurs. Those not so successful yet deeply interested in sex were called lascivious. In contrast, sex guaranteed security for women. These concepts led to strong sexual suppression. Thus, loss of self-respect or frustration at work often pushed men toward seeking sexual satisfaction, sometimes through rape. Women, on the other hand, used sex to tie down a man, even going to the extent of using children as a reminder of the man's responsibility.

Today, sex has been freed of such concepts. We are going through a two-phase transitional period. The first stage is to dissociate sex from its earlier meaning, which in reality had nothing to do with sex in the true sense of the word. Sex no longer represents dignity for men, nor security for women. But farther down the road, there will come a point when sexual freedom becomes boring. In the second stage, sex takes on a new meaning. It goes hand in hand with love. But Taiwan is only in the first stage of transition. People are still highly curious about sex.

Chen: Warped attitudes toward sex have become a problem today mainly because of sex consumerism. When under heavy competitive pressure, men seek relief in sex, but women do not. This is linked to consumer habits. Pornographic publications are readily available and sexual services are offered at countless establishments in Taiwan. Such establishments have made it very convenient for men to get sexual satisfaction. It is this convenience, in addition to many other complicated social and human factors, that has led our society to place excessive emphasis on sex. With the easy flow of information from abroad as we go through this transitional stage, we should try to guide the development of these trends. We need to point out where the problems lie, instead of merely receiving information from abroad.

Wang: Has there been a change in the way husbands and wives handle family income and investments? Who is usually in charge of the family finances?

Chen: I don't see a change. Even though small families have replaced extended ones, financial management has remained in the hands of women. In the past, women hardly had any say in family matters, and women had no rights. But mothers enjoyed a certain degree of power at home. Part of the reason behind this was that the mother had to ensure the family of the well-being of future generations. In addition, she had to consolidate her financial status as the mother of the eldest son, who was to head the family later. But even though she held the purse strings and was responsible for managing family finances, it was her husband who had the right of ownership.

Today, the mother's views are just as important, whether it concerns large or small expenses. Men find it convenient to have their wives manage the family finances. But the situation has changed somewhat because women have become earners as well.

Wen: Even a few decades ago, women seemed to be able to spend money freely, but their spending was actually limited to relatively small amounts. Larger expenses, like the purchase of a refrigerator or a piano, had to be discussed with the husband. Women were the financial managers, and men were the decision-makers. Now that women have joined the work force and have their own careers, they are in a better position. They no longer have to hide their personal savings; they open their own accounts and can openly give money to their own parents.

Previously, a man was required to provide some form of compensation to his wife if he abandoned her. But the situation has reversed itself now that many women have their own jobs. Often, the wife is the one who initiates divorce proceedings. Thus, she is required to pay alimony to her husband, to give him the house and car. But the mother must always have custody of the children. This is unfair. Children are the responsibility of both parents, not just the mother. Fear of these burdens has prevented many women from seeking divorce. Men are resorting to the same method they have used all along, controlling women by manipulating their finances. This has forced some women to give up everything in exchange for freedom.

Chen: I am not in favor of a relationship that sets husbands and wives apart. Men do not have to sweet talk all the time, and women need someone who takes action, contributes, and lends a hand. Husbands and wives have to develop a supportive relationship to face the endless practical problems after the wedding, including taking care of babies. There has to be a backup person should one fall. Couples should tie the knot with the understanding that both joys and sorrows are to be shared.

Tseng: In the past, when women had no rights at all, the management of family finances was a guarantee of security, but today, it is more of a convenience. But a survey should be conducted before any significant conclusions can be made on whether women are the managers of family finances.

Wang: More women are entering the work place in high level positions. Are their salaries and career opportunities any different from men with approximately the same level of skills and experience?

Tseng: An objective study also has to be conducted on the professions in which men and women receive equal or unequal treatment. Sexual discrimination is more or less absent in the academic field. Women receive equal pay and have equal opportunity for promotion. Compared to other professions, a relatively high percentage of women have been appointed deputy directors and directors of departments. But this may be different in the political arena.

Chen: As an entrepreneur, I can point out that women are definitely discriminated against at the policy-making and decision-making levels in the industrial and commercial sectors. Some large corporations are known to have openly denied women promotions, despite their qualifications and experience, on the grounds that there has been no precedent. Women have accomplished a lot, but they are only halfway to the goal.

Many women work in finance and management, but the female population is still very small at the decision-making level, in R&D, marketing, and on boards of directors, even though an almost equal number of young men and women graduate from universities each year.

A man is usually promoted over a woman with similar qualifications, often because people are more sympathetic to men since they are the primary bread winners. On the other hand, a woman may let an opening at the managerial level slip by because she expects to have a child the next year, or because she wants to spend more time on her child's education. Even her superior may think twice, out of concern, about placing the heavy burden of a higher position on her shoulders.

Wen: In private companies, where rules are more flexible, a male colleague may receive a higher starting salary than a woman in a similar position. And even if their starting salaries and qualifications are the same, the man may eventually climb faster than the woman. Government employees have the same starting salary regardless of sex, but few women reach the highest ranks, to grade 14, which is equivalent to the managerial level. Few women make it to grade 13, but there are more women at the grade 12 level. Evidently, men are usually considered first when a vacancy comes up.

Huang: At my own television production company, I do not care whether an applicant is male or female. Skills decide in which capacity a person is to be employed. I would not rule out women when considering the appointment of a vice executive producer, but I would have to take more into consideration when selecting a producer. The worst choice would be a woman preparing for her wedding, because she could possibly have a child the next year, which would certainly affect her work. Each program has only one producer, who will not be easy to replace if the position becomes vacant suddenly.

A mother is acceptable, as most women do not stay home to personally take care of their children these days.

Wang: What does feminism mean in Taiwan, and how has it affected male-female relations?

Tseng: The development of the women's rights movement can be divided into three stages. The earliest pioneers of feminism sought liberation from their inferior position, using revolutionary means to strongly advocate the movement in order to attract attention. During this period, women gained economic power by stepping into the work place and pursuing their own careers.

A milder approach was taken at the second stage, as the strong stand and tactics were replaced by efforts directed primarily at achieving a social status equal to that of men. At the legal level, women fought for their rights under the law, such as ownership of property, the right of inheritance for both sons and daughters, and taking the mother's last name. The women's rights movement in Taiwan is going through this second stage. I hope to see the movement go to the third stage, when emphasis will be placed on developing psychological independence. It should cover independence in the areas of knowledge, emotions, and will power.

Women have not made much progress in gaining psychological independence, except in the area of knowledge. Female professors with doctorate degrees, or women who are highly respected in their fields, often collapse emotionally when confronted with proof of an unfaithful husband. Perhaps we are on the threshold of the third stage with associations like the Warm Life Foundation, which encourages divorced women to stand up on their own and to stop relying on their ex-husbands. This is the one area that requires greater effort.

Chen: Women in Taiwan did not have to struggle for their rights. Forward-looking men fervently insisted on granting rights to women during the drafting of the ROC Constitution. All of a sudden, women found themselves having the right to be educated, to vote, and to be elected to office. The women's rights movement in Taiwan was also influenced in its development by international trends. It was not a revolutionary social movement initiated by our own women.

In the various women's rights movements abroad, one orientation that stands out clearly is the struggle for equal rights and status pursued from a victim's standpoint. Consequently, it became a popular concept that women should be independent and be able to control their own lives. But I disagree that women should pursue men's rights and abilities, or fight for the things they were previously deprived of. Instead, women should strive to win recognition for their own qualities and psychological traits, which have been ignored in the past. This has been neglected in the women's movement. In reality, this should form the fundamental part of the movement.

Women must take the initiative to make their qualities and their values known, and encourage researchers to conduct new studies on the relationship between the sexes instead of focusing on the women's movement. Women do not have to take a belligerent approach toward the opposite sex. It is more important for the two sexes to make compromises to improve relations.

If we are to politicize male-female relations, the disadvantages will be greater and will come sooner than any benefits we are likely to gain. Women may have the right to divorce, but there is more harm than good to it. Many people encourage divorce, and are generous with information on the legal channels open and rights guaranteed by law. But then, have we ever asked ourselves if divorce is the optimal choice, if children should have any say, and what the results will be?

Feminism should aim to maintain good relations between the sexes. We should build our own road to our own future. Our Chinese traditional upbringing makes it difficult for us to accept the women's rights movements of the West. We may ask if these movements have improved the overall situation in Western nations. The answer is no. We can see for ourselves that children have not developed better personalities, social order is no better, the feeling of isolation has increased, and the need for therapists and counselling is still high. Western women are still in a transitional stage in developing better relations with men.

I do not want to see us go through the same transitional path. I would prefer that we work out our own special problems based on our own heritage. Our women's movement should reflect Chinese culture.

Huang: Our society needs a women's movement that deals with the many traditional aspects of Chinese culture. I am convinced that feminism is gaining ground in Taiwan today. The women's movement is placing more importance on rationality and less emphasis on emotions, but efforts should be directed toward further legislation to protect women's rights. This would be more effective in solving women's problems than mere accusations of sexual discrimination.

Wen: Many men still consider household chores as women's work, even though the work should be shared by both husband and wife. Men still think in terms of "helping my wife by doing the dishes or taking out the garbage." But the entire family is responsible for making the dishes dirty and producing the garbage. The very concept of "helping my wife" is incorrect. Men can be expected to have respect for women only after they have developed the right attitudes.

A man and a woman should develop their relationship based on mutual respect, recognizing that both are equal beings. A man should not be terrified of an assertive woman, nor of marrying a capable wife who may be of great help and support. On the other hand, a woman should not dream of becoming a man. It will be so much better if this understanding is reached so that a relationship in which the two sexes respect each other can develop and grow.