In olden times, Chinese marriage was considered to be almost exclusively for the purpose of perpetuating the family and thereby having another generation to perform the ancestral rights. Procurement of mates was entirely in the hands of parents land elders. The bride and bridegroom had neither vote nor veto. In fact, they were not allowed to see each other before the wedding.
Marriages were negotiated in various ways by the Han Chinese of past centuries. The contract might be signed between parents even before the children were born. Betrothals often were made when the children were very small, and engagements were considered as binding as marriage.
Choice was restricted by taboos. Persons of the same surname could not marry, even though they were not related by blood. Class distinctions were carefully observed. The hope was always to marry a son or daughter into a family of equal or superior social standing and wealth.
Exchange of Gifts
For the majority, marriages were negotiated by go-betweens. The pa-tsu—exact hour, day, month, and year of birth—was regarded as the most important guide to a good match. If the pa-tsus were not compatible, the couple would be courting disaster, according to Chinese fortune-tellers.
The go-between first presented the pa-tsu of the prospective bride to the bridegroom's family. After consulting a fortune-teller about the harmony of the pa-tsus, the bride's pa-tsu was placed in front of the ancestral tablets of the bridegroom's family for three days. If nothing was broken in front of the tablets, the prospective bride was adjudged satisfactory and the match approved.
The families then chose the engagement day and discussed the gifts to be exchanged.
Among poorer families, gifts from the bridegroom's family were supposed to pay for the bride's trousseau. But a wealthy father might refuse the gifts of the bridegroom's family, except for engagement cakes. These were distributed to the relatives of the bride as an announcement of her engagement.
The period between engagement and wedding naturally varied in accordance with the age of the betrothed. For some, the period might be only a few months. For others it might be many years. Ample time was always provided for elaborate wedding preparations.
The bridegroom's family was required to furnish a new room for the bride. The decorations were usually pink or red, colors that still denote good luck to the Chinese people. The atmosphere was supposed to he happy and cheerful.
The bride's parents usually were expected to provide trousseau and her furniture. The dowry sometimes included maidservants who had come to her family as little girls.
The atmosphere of the bride's home was different from that of the bridegroom. The parents, although happy, felt the loss of sending a beloved daughter away. That was one of the reasons the Chinese people of the past did not want to have girl children.
Poker-Faced Brides
All the dowry was sent before the wedding day except the maids, who would go with the bride.
The wedding was an event of great importance for both families.
Early in the morning, the bride was dressed in a red Mandarin jacket and skirt embroidered with golden threads. She wore a jeweled hair-dress and a red veil. There was no catching a glimpse of happiness in the bride's face. In fact, it was traditional that brides would neither smile nor laugh. Perhaps none did so. The uncertain future probably left many a tearful face.
Contrariwise, the bridegroom's family showed its joy as it prepared to take the bride home. The bridegroom wore Mandarin robe, jacket, and skull cap. He was accompanied to the bride's home by his younger brothers and the go-between.
The party rode on sedan chairs, and took empty chairs for the bride and her brothers, who were to accompany their sister to her new home.
The bride's sedan chair was the most colorful and ornate. It was painted in gold and red. A band led the way.
When the bridegroom reached the bride's home he was greeted by his future brothers-in-law as firecrackers exploded and gay music resounded. The bride did not depart as soon as her husband-to-be arrived. Custom dictated that she wait until several musical selections had been played. Then she was escorted to the sedan chair by her parents.
Red Carpet Treatment
The whole party then proceeded to her new home. Upon arrival, the bridegroom rapped at the door of the bride's sedan chair to symbolize her subjection to him. The bride was led to the main hall by the maid of honor, who said lucky verses along the way.
Red carpet was laid for the bride to walk on. If the place was Canton province, the bride also had to tread on a red cloth bag at each step. The tradition originated in the fact that the word for bag—tai—has the same pronunciation as the word "generation". After the bride had lifted her foot from the bag, an attendant passed it over her head and placed it in front of her for another step. The process continued until the bride reached the main hall. Symbolism was her perpetuation of the family line and establishment of a new generation.
The marriage took place in front of the altar in the main hall. Binding part of the ceremony was obeisance before the bridegroom's ancestral tablets. After that the couple were husband and wife. There was no signing of papers or exchange of rings.
Then came the start of feasting. The bridegroom was required to toast relatives and friends. Her own attendants with her, the bride waited in her room. Only after the feast did the bridegroom lift the veil and get his first look at the girl he had married.
The 'Little Husband'
On the third morning, the two made a visit to her home and expressed reverence for the tablets of her family.
Aborigine bridegroom transports bride himself (File photo)
Of course, the wedding described here is a generalized example. In the beginning, traditions and customs differed with the provinces. But as time went on, they became mixed up and more or less standardized, but with small differences remaining.
Marriages of northern China were unique for the system of the "little husband". This was a last resort when there were no suitable matches in the proper age bracket, or when a father needed relief from supporting a daughter. Usually the girl was about ten years older than the boy. She was sent to her husband's home when he was a mere boy. No special ceremony was held until the boy had matured. Sometimes the girl was little more than a servant.
Many of the Han traditions were still to be found on the China mainland as late as the 1940s. But after the Communists usurped power, the old system of Chinese marriage was swept away. Today, the people of the mainland have only simple civic ceremonies. Gone with the winds of Red control are colorful veils and gowns, the Mandarin jacket and red skirt.
There is no honeymoon, no entertainment, no holiday. For Communist Party members, the approval of the party is required. The Communists seek to prevent early marriage as a means of population control.
Buddhist Ceremonies
Chinese traditions of marriage remain strongest on Taiwan, where many ceremonies retain the old ways, even though the Western wedding steadily gains in popularity. Most young people are free to choose their mates, or at least to exercise power of veto. Couples no longer marry blindly, without even seeing each other. However, marriage remains centered on the family as the basis of a healthy society and a strong country. Accent on romantic love is less strong than in the West.
Buddhist weddings are colorful and can often be seen in Taiwan. The monk acts as the notary. Besides exchanging rings, the bride and bridegroom also may exchange their strings of Buddhist beads.
The bridegroom is no longer kept in suspense until the bride's veil is lifted. The bride is not so shy as her grandmother, but neither is she exactly a hoyden. In older, conservative families, the bride still eats nothing at wedding feast.
For the ceremony, many brides still wear the red Mandarin jacket and skirt. Afterward, she changes into the slit-skirted chipao and then becomes almost a quick-change artist. Her different dresses accord with the presentation of main dishes at the feast. Most gowns are of red or pink for good luck.
Aborigine Customs
Aborigine couple is surrounded by wedding party as they exchange toast (File photo)
Aborigines of Taiwan and mainland frontier peoples have some of the world's most fascinating marriage customs. Among aborigines, marriages begin at 16 and brides are rarely older than 20. Some of the societies are matriarchal and the bridegroom becomes a member of the bride's family.
Girls of the Ami tribe—one of Taiwan's 10—have the right to choose their husband when they become 16. The sexes get a chance to become acquainted while working in the fields and at festivals.
The chief designates a day late in February, before the start of work in the rice paddies, as "freedom day". Teen-age boys and girls are lined up opposite each other and two are chosen as leaders. Each girl holds a cup and each boy a bottle of wine.
The leading boy then sings a song which goes:
"Boys should not drink alone
"But should share their wine with their beloved one."
Boys then fill the girls' cups with wine. If a girl drinks the wine, she is considered to have accepted his proposal of marriage.
The leading girl then sings:
"Girls, return a toast to the boys."
Changing Her Mind
If the girl who already has drunk refuses to return the toast, she is considered to have changed her mind.
Betrothed couples enjoy each other's company at an ensuing party, and the boy then visits her family. An engagement period follows, and the families agree on a wedding day—usually in November or December. Few marriages take place in the other months.
When the day has been set, the boy's family sends a cartload of firewood, meat, rice, and wine to the girl's family. In aboriginal society, boys are regarded as "unprofitable goods."
A month before the wedding day, the boy must take up life in the meeting house of the community. He also must build fences on the farm of the bride's family.
When the great day dawns, the chief takes the bridegroom to pay his respects to the ancestors of the bride's family. In the evening a dinner party is held for members of both families. The food is cooked by the bride. A dancing party lasts through the night.
The bridegroom then enters the bride's family. Along with the bride, he participates in family affairs. After a month, the couple are recognized as husband and wife.
Head for a Bride
Modern dress is worn at Buddhist ceremony (File photo)
This is already a modernized mode of marriage. In the past, the bride took torch in her hand and went with aunt and uncle to bring the bridegroom home.
The Tayal tribe formerly tatooed the girl's face with green dye when she reached marriageable age. Husbands-to-be were expected to work for the bride's family for six months. In headhunting days, if a girl had too many suitors, the first to bring back a human head would win her hand.
Today's Tayal engagement ceremony is highlighted by a "water vow". The couple plunge their hands into water and swear to be true to one another forever. On wedding day, the boy must go hunting in the forest. The families are busy preparing wine and cakes. The groom is accompanied by some of his relatives. Carrying present, he later goes to the bride's for a party and remains there for the night. The next day the whole party, including relatives of the bride, goes to the bridegroom's home. There his family daubs water on her forehead before she enters the house. This denotes her adoption into the family.
Nobles and Commoners
While the Ami and Tayal people may marry anyone they like, the Paiwan tribe still practices endogamy. The Paiwan are divided into two classes—nobles and commoners. The former includes the chieftain and his relatives. If a noble marries a commoner's daughter, she is recognized by the community as a concubine and has no right of inheritance and can be abandoned any time her husband wishes.
However, many girls are willing to marry a noble, because the sons can inherit from the father. In Chinese-based cultures, the sons of concubines also have the right of succession.
Paiwan are found in many parts of Taiwan and they have marriage differences within the tribe. Those who live in Pingtung have three-day marriage ceremonies. On the first days, the bride bids farewell to her relatives and friends. She must show her sadness by crying bitterly for the whole day. The bridegroom goes with his parents and relatives to the bride's home to ascertain the bride's true intentions. He returns home, then comes again that afternoon to take the bride home. That evening, all are entertained by the bride's family and the dance lasts through the night.
The following morning, the bride and her relatives go the bridegroom's home. She has lunch and dinner there, but returns to her own home in the evening.
On the evening of the third day, the bride hides in mountains or fields. The bridegroom must find her and carry her to her home. She cries out when she reaches her house, and her family members and relatives pretend to take her back. But the bridegroom carries her across the threshold of her own house and they exchange an Eskimo kiss. The bridegroom then presents his gifts to the bride's family, including pots, knives, furs, spears, spades, axes, and jewelry.
Mongolian Marriage
The next morning the bridegroom goes home to announce the good news. He returns to the bride's home with his relatives to take the bride home. They finally are recognized as husband and wife.
Frontier people of the mainland have similarly exotic customs—some still practiced in remote areas where the Communists have been unable to reduce everything to the same common denominator.
Mongolian matches are made by go-betweens. Endogamy is practiced. A girl must marry a boy of her class or of superior position. Most Mongolians marry within their own tribes.
After agreement on the match, a fortune-teller chooses a lucky day for formal announcement of the engagement. On that day, the bridegroom sends wine, textiles (known as hada in Mongolian), cows, horses, and goats to the bride's family. The hada, about three yards to a piece, comes in four colors: white, yellow, red, and blue.
The marriage takes place about six months later. The bridegroom is attired as a warrior and armed with bow and arrows to recall the era when the Manchurians under Genghis Khan ruled most of the known world. His sky blue tunic is worn with a black-trimmed red overskirt.
Accompanied by four or five men, he goes to the home of the bride on horseback. A party of the wealthy may include as many as 100 persons. Dressed in red or green chipao, the bride accompanies him to his house, riding in a sedan chair or wagon and escorted by friends and relatives. If she is rich even to have maids, they will go along to serve her in her new home.
Capturing the Bride
Upon arrival, she first pays her respects to the bridegroom's ancestors. An all-night party and sumptuous feasting follow.
In southwest China, the Miao and Yao tribesmen used to capture their brides, often at the cost of bloodshed. In remembrance, the custom was retained symbolically until the mainland fell into the hands of the Communists.
When a young man liked a girl and is parents approved, the go-between approached the girl's family. If the boy was acceptable, a day was chosen for the ceremony. As the bridegroom entered the house to claim her, she escaped out the back door. The bridegroom and his friends searched for her while the bride's friends sought to interfere. Once the groom captured the bride, he carried her home. That constituted the ceremony.
Through all forms of Chinese marriage, old, new, old-fashioned or modern, restricted or free, runs the concept of continuing the family and of parental sanction. Although free choice is given the young people of today, parents retain and exercise the right of counsel. Advice is ignored less often than might be expected. Many marriages still are made by go-betweens with parental approval.
Even Chinese young people have a tendency to believe that arranged marriages—or at least those approved by parents—will be satisfactory and lasting. Even if couples do not know each other well before the ceremony, marriage itself offers the real opportunity for love. Chinese husbands rarely bury their face in the newspaper at the breakfast table. To the Chinese, marriage is not the end of love, but the beginning.